Change what you can … and accept what you cannot change
We have a lot of time now and that might lead to Corona stress: how can you use your time well and why is there Corona stress at all?
In the local financial newspaper in the Netherlands of April 8, there is a statement about millennials who are currently struggling, written by Carien Karsten – burnout expert. Under the heading “Working young people suffer most from corona stress”, she states that the self-esteem of young professionals depend on their performance. The forced quarantine can lead to feelings of loss of energy, lethargy and loss of self-esteem. How do you handle corona stress?
I am not a millennial but I feel for you. I have worked for years to perform, especially because it gave me meaning, it was the reason for my existence and it gave me self-esteem. I believed in what I did and I did it with passion. How can you deal with that now when the world has stopped? Honestly, I don’t think millennials and I are the only ones who suffer from our lack of performance.
How do you deal with Corona stress?
Are you afraid? Afraid you will lose your job soon? Afraid of a global recession with a huge decline in well-being and prosperity? Are you angry that you can no longer do your work as you are used to? Do you miss your colleagues and friends?
What is happening now is that you are trying to control something that you can’t control. It makes you angry, irritated, causes fear or other suffering and these are all energy-guzzling emotions. This is stress. What now? The answer is:
it has everything to do with how you view the situation. You CAN do something about THAT.
People do not suffer from things that happen to them, but from their thoughts about them. Irrational thoughts that cause negative emotions. These emotions have no positive function whatsoever.
Help from the Stoics
Take time to read about the Stoics. These were not apathetic, indifferent laissez-faire figures, but wise people who focus on what they called eph’hemin: “what is up to us”. The Stoics distinguish between what is within your control and what is not. The result is making choices without unnecessary uncertainty and brooding beforehand and without senseless regrets and guilt afterwards.
The compass: how do you change from sufferer to leader?
You are a leader if you can (dare) make choices and it will help you enormously if you know what you base your choices on. In other words, find your inner compass. When you have found this you can give meaning to everything; also this situation of forced quarantine. The key is hidden in yourself, deep in your unconscious. Socrates knew this and because of his Socratic question technique, he removes layer by layer all obstacles and resistance so that he comes to the source: the true ‘Yourself’. That is your being, which contains your intrinsic values. These values are your starting point for your choices: your self-esteem.
How do you get there? At your unconscious self?
You can read a lot about it, but it is also important that you confront yourself by talking to someone. Someone has to lead you to your unconscious motives and unconscious forces. These are all connected to your values. With a tool, the so-called ACT® measurement, I can visualize and clarify your motives, values and natural strengths. This is done through an online measurement of 15 minutes and a coaching session, so that we become acquainted with your deepest needs, your talents and aspects that will make you happy.
At a certain moment you know what your path is, how life makes sense to you.
The lessons from Auschwitz
It is a rather abrupt and brutal transition to write about Auschwitz, but you learn a lot from people who got out of that situation.
Someone like Victor Frankl has survived four concentration camps and has captured his vision of ‘giving meaning’ through his experiences and observing other victims. By giving meaning to everything, especially sacrifice and pain, it becomes bearable: “he who has a reason for life can endure almost all living conditions”. Viktor Frankl is the founder of Logotherapy (the Greek logos in the sense of “Meaning”).
Another survivor, Edith Eva Eger has mainly focused in her therapies on making choices because in her vision freedom is about choices. This starts with self-acceptance, with all your strengths and pitfalls that you have in you: Know Thyself.
Get a grip on the situation
Because of their attitude, which is related to the Stoics, they got a grip on the situation and were able to give meaning to it. The lessons we learn from Frankl and Eger is that we should not fight the inevitable but look for opportunities that make sense to us. This is very useful now that we have to rely on ourselves.
Corona is not a disaster if you don’t make it a disaster. A well-known stoic, Epictetus writes: “What bothers people is not the situation themselves, but their judgment of situations. For example, death is nothing scary. The judgment that death is scary – that’s something to be afraid of ”.
To get a grip you will have to find your way to your inner self: find your values, make choices based on them and then take action. To quote Edith Eva Eger:
- What do you want? Listen to yourself and come up with a list of desires.
- Who wants it? This is our real task and real struggle: to understand our own expectations of ourselves instead of meeting the expectations of others.
- What will you do about it? Belief in positive thinking is important, but change also requires positive action. We get better at doing (positive) things if we do it more often.
- When? If we want to develop instead of continuing to run in circles, it is time to act now! You develop yourself throughout your entire life.
This way you prevent corona stress, by asking yourself what you really want. What I add is, “know your desires and become who you really are by nature. Discovering that, is your task in this life! ”
Come by for a first conversation. It’s free and we’re going to talk about you. But I also tell you more about the ACT measurement, the Stoics, Viktor Frankl, Edith Eva Eger and many more heroes from history.
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